Prince William proudly showed off his son to reporters again this morning, adding that he had watched the baby having his nappy changed and joking that the young lad ‘certainly has a very healthy and active digestive system!’
Assembled journalists laughed at the nappy-changing reference, and reported that it showed that the second in line to the throne was just like any other new dad, getting to grips with being a father and adjusting to the very earthy nature of birth and babies.‘Yes, this morning was a real hummer!’ the Prince added, wafting his hand in front of his nose. More laughter followed before William continued in more detail about his new son and the future George VII.
‘It’s funny actually, because normally he does quite small poos, and they are light brown and not too runny. But today it was all dark brown and there was tons of the stuff, all coming out of the side and onto the baby-gro.’
By this time journalists were nodding and backing away slightly. ‘It was like a madly explosion in a sewage plant in there to be honest,’ he continued. ‘And it all had to be wiped off, ‘cos it was all over his bollocks and everything, which are enormous by the way, he’s hung like a fucking donkey, I don’t know where he gets that from.’
Sensing he was unsettling the journalists, Prince William thought that they may be doubting his story, and called upon a footman to pass him the soiled nappy to show the world’s media himself. The royal dump was duly photographed before a Palace adviser intervened and suggested that the prince had not been getting a great deal of sleep recently.
‘It’s not just the lack of sleep…’ said William. ‘We haven’t had sex since the birth either. I mean how long is a bloke supposed to wait?’